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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Finally, I get the raft ready. I’m out on the water, and it’s peaceful. Just me and the ducks. But then, outta nowhere, this kid jumps in! I’m like, “What the heck, dude?!” He’s splashing around, havin’ the time of his life. I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They don’t care about anything.

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